Supermon 2.0
by Crayon
Summary: Yes, our fine heroes are back, with a new Season 03 twist. As Calumon and Dobermon steal the limelight from the Tamers, they encounter a enemy more terrifiying than their small minds can comprehend: HAMTARO.


Here he comes to wreck the day!  
  
Disclaimer- Well, honestly peoples, you should know that a person like me doesn't exactly get enough money to own Digimon.   
  


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Supermon 2.0  
  
By- Crayon  
  
  


**Twenty-five years had passed since the famous Supermon and his somewhat famous sidekick Captain Oink had saved the world from a giant, blood sucking, teddy bear. The reign of the two heroes had long since been passed. Until today.   
  
Our story starts in a well-kept bakery on the East side of Odiba... where the smell of chocolate doughnuts and banana breads and... you get the point. Our story starts here.  
  
**I'll take a dozen doughnuts, and three of those, and... oh! One of those things! a balding man said, who looked as if anymore doughnuts went through his system, it could possibly cause a health hazard. A harassed looking woman hastily shoved the bakery goods into a bag.  
  
Oh, and do you have a newspaper? he added.  
  
She wiped her brow. Sure! Just a second... TAKATO! she yelled up some back stairs. GET THE NEWSPAPERS!  
  
A short, odd looking brunette boy came charging down the stairs, closely followed by a red dinosaur holding several stacks of newspapers.  
  
The man caught sight of the dinosaur, and screamed. Danishes, doughnuts, breads, and a few muffins went flying into the air as the man scrambled out the door, tripping on the door mat.  
  
The woman sighed. Takato, I thought I told you to keep Guilmon away from the customers, she said, sternly.  
  
Guilmon shuffled under the weight of the newspapers, and with one step, he had tripped on the rug and the newspapers went flying like the muffins and doughnuts. Takato grinned. I tried. He's getting bored. There's really nothing to do around a city like Odiba.  
  
Well, of course there's stuff to do! the woman exclaimed, picking up a paper. Oh! Riverdance is in town!  
  
Takato groaned.  
  
She set down the paper. Go play with all those kids you hang out with. What are their names? Rika... Henry, Ryo, Jeri, Kazu, Kenta, Alice, and that one little girl with the high-pitched voice? And all those little Digimon that follow them around?  
  
Takato sighed.   
  
She picked up the paper again. Well, you could always help me out in the bakery.  
  
Takato turned pale and began to sweat. Uh... I just remembered, Kazu and Kenta wanted me to... so... see you, round, Mom! And with that, Takato and Guilmon had ran out of the family business.  
  
His mother sighed again, picking up a spatula. I know he likes to cook, though. Maybe it was just my cooking, she wondered outloud, biting off the head of a rabbit-shaped pickle-flavored cookie.  
  


_____  
  


Takato sprinted alongside a sweating Guilmon to the City Park. He stopped dead when he came to the entrance. Guilmon, do you see what I see?  
  
Guilmon looked at the park sign, reading it outloud. North- Bike Trails, East- Internet Access, West- Square Gardens...  
  
No, that! Takato yelled, pointing.  
  
In the middle of the park was a gigantic, hairy, purple, smelly, seven-eyed, big-toothed gerbil. The gerbil roared, spraying the circumference of the park with saliva.  
  
Takato stared at this wonder as all his friends, Rika, Renamon, Henry, Lopmon, and the rest came running up beside him.  
  
It's... a... Digimon... puffed Kenta, leaning down to catch his breath.   
  
Renamon sniffed the air. A bad one.  
  
Oh, well spotted, Renamon, said Rika, sarcastically.  
  
Takato pulled out his Digivice. Just a second, it's name and stuff is coming up. Okay, it's name is Gigantichairypurplesmellyseveneyedbigtoothedgerbilmon.  
  
said the crowd in perfect unison.  
  
Let's just call him Gerbilmon, Takato grumbled.  
  
But together, the entire force of Digimon and humans could not defeat Gigantichairy- I mean, Gerbilmon. Gerbilmon roared again, blinked, and chewed casually on Kazu's visor hat.  
  
Kazu narrowed his eyes in defeat. Stupid thing.  
  
You really shouldn't of pissed it off like that, Kazu, Ryo said.  
  
Shut up, Ryo, grumbled Kazu.  
  
I mean, who else but you would even try to piss on a Digimon?  
  
It seemed like the end for our fine gang of Tamers. They all backed up slowly, as Gerbilmon advanced on them in revenge for Kazu's... action. The Digimon had all gone back to the Rookie stage, Kazu was out of... actions... and all hope seemed lost, until...  
  
...  
  
Any moment now...  
  
...  
  
HERE WE COME TO SAVE THE DAY! said a familiar voice, and a small white Digimon popped out of the trees. It was Calumon, only... different. Calumon was dressed in a blue and red cape, with a large S' monogrammed onto the back. He was also wearing insanely large goggles and a pair of red briefs.  
  
Close behind him was Dobermon, reincarnated as, Dobermon. Dobermon snarled at Gerbilmon. Dobermon was wearing nothing quite like Calumon, but had the goggles, and a short pink cape with a monogrammed C' on it.  
  
Gerbilmon stared. Who are he garbled in a prehistoric sounding voice.   
  
I am the Super wonder of wonders, I am the ten time winner of the local Fluffy Bunny' contest... I am... SUPERMON! Calumon squealed, jumping out of the tree, and landing hard onto the ground in front of Gerbilmon.  
  
Gerbilmon stared at Calumon (a.k.a Supermon) for a second. He smiled, and chuckled. The chuckle turned into a guffaw, and the guffaw into a roar. Within seconds, Gerbilmon was rolling around in the short grass and topiaries of the park, laughing as Supermon blinked through his goggles. What's so funny? Who told a joke? I want to laugh...  
  
Dobermon seized the opportunity to attack. He growled, and leapt from the heights of the trees onto Gerbilmon, snarling and baring his teeth. The two wrestled and fought, Gerbilmon with his signature attack, HAMSTER WHEEL OF CONFUSION! and Dobermon, well, Dobermon pretty much just bit really, really, hard.  
  
Not long after, Dobermon had gotten the best of Gerbilmon, and with one mighty swing, he had sent the purple gerbil up into the sky by his massive flank. As far as we know, he never came back down, but the last sighting of this gerbil was in the United States, at the 2002 Congressional Elections.  
  
Takato stood up, next to a very shaken Guilmon. Who are you guys? Guilmon asked.  
  
Henry and Suzie got up next, followed by two rabbit-like Digimon, and Rika and Renamon.  
  
I think we'd all like to know that, said Ryo and Cyberdramon.  
  
Kazu, Kenta, Jeri, Gaurdromon, and Marineangemon all got up, nodding. Only Alice reacted differently.  
  
DOBERMON! You're ALIVE!  
  
Dobermon smiled a very twisted smile, and toddled over to Alice. Why didn't you tell me sooner, Dobermon? Alice cried, holding her former Digimon tightly around the neck.  
  
Dobermon shrugged. Well, I wanted it to be a big surprise. And to be perfectly honest, I'm still not 100% alive. I was reincarnated for publicity purposes, and basically because Calumon can't really fight by himself. I would be the Dead Wonder, but that name is copyrighted already.  
  
Calumon was running around the ankles of all the Tamers, preforming measly karate chops at their shoelaces, while squeaking meager,   
  
Alice nodded, and all the Tamers laughed.   
  
The group started off again, talking and laughing about the days events. A crowd of reporters bustled up to them in less than five minutes, cameras flashing, and pens and papers waving.  
  
Takato blinked, as a nearby camera flash went off in his eyes. Takato Matsuki, is it true that the Famous Tamers couldn't handle the Digimon of the Day? yelled a rather large reporter.  
  
was Takato's response.  
  
But the reporters had turned on Calumon and Dobermon, still wearing their Super Hero attire, shooting questions at the two in mile-per-minute speech.  
  
What crossed your mind during the fight?  
  
What did you think of the Famous Tamers' after you two fought for them?  
  
What did you think when the Mayor awarded you the with the Key to the City and an all-expense paid Pent House on the North side of Odiba in recognition for your special services to the city?  
  
Could you repeat after me, Supermon: All good heroes know that KXIM FM is the only station for you!  
  
Calumon clapped happily. A falling toad knows that sexy men are on a Playstation near you!  
  
Henry slapped his head in disgust.  
  
Dobermon raised an ear. What's this about an all-expense paid Pent House?  
  


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Dobermon and Calumon moved into their richly-furnished Pent House the next day, complete with lace curtains, a swimming pool, and room for a pony.   
  
With the excess of money given to them by the Mayor, they bought themselves a Authentic Supermon Beam, a Supermon-mobile, a Supermon-cycle, a roll of duct tape, and two maids.  
  
I'm a Tamer, not a maid! yelled a very put-out Ryo, pulling down his extremely short French maid skirt, and hiking up his fishnet stockings. He fixed his lace cap and armed himself with a feather duster.  
  
Well, you lost the bet against Calumon, and Suzie already had dibsies on the cook. So you're the maid, Dobermon said, casually.  
  
I want a rematch against Calumon then! How the @#$% does paper beat rock? Ryo asked.  
  
Calumon bounced into the living room where Dobermon and Ryo were. Suzie said dinner should be ready soon! I can't wait! Yummy, yummy, yummy, in my tummy, tumm-  
  
Calumon's happy song was cut short by an anguished scream from Ryo.  
  
Dobermon sighed, and shook his head, setting down his cup of coffee on the end table. He picked up a newspaper as Ryo tore out of the living room, screaming, I WILL NOT GO INSANE! I WILL NOT GO INSANE!  
  
Suzie ran into the room soon after. Black spots of ash were on her face, and Sesame Street band-aids covered her hands. One of her pigtails was on fire. Your peanut bwutter sandwiches are weady! she cried, happily.  
  


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Meanwhile, in a dark slimy sewer of Odiba...  
  
Dose stupid heroes don't get best o' me, nope, nope, said Gerbilmon, looking up at the wall of the sewer, where the graffiti shone in the dismal light.   
  
Gerbilmon thought for a minute, and then for two minutes. I haff idear. I kill stupid heroes with help f'om udders, he said outloud in his horrible caveman accent. He then pounded his paw into the wall, cracking the concrete, for effect.  
  
He laughed a evil laugh, and it echoed through out the sewer. Tiny lights came from every direction, and it seemed like the lights were giggling with Gerbilmon.  
  
Come, fellow udders! Come! Kill da heroes! Kill dem! Kill Gerbilmon waved his arms, as the tiny little beasts that had came rushing to his aid at his laugh surrounded him.  
  
Kill the heroes... kill the heroes... they muttered in unison in their soprano toned voices.  
  
Together, the little beasts and Gerbilmon roared with evil laughter as they plotted to kill our fine heroes.  
  


_____  
  


Kenta was mowing the lawns of Odiba, grumbling to himself like many middle-aged men do when their wives force them into tasks to big for them to handle.   
  
I can't believe it... grumble grumble... just because we weren't strong enough... mumble... now that Supermon and Captain Oink are top dogs, all of us Tamers have to go out and find jobs because our families are too poor... grumble... well, all except Rika, of course...  
  
Kenta ran the self-propelled lawn mower into a tree.  
  
I had to get stuck with this job, of course... grumble... all the rest of them got really cool jobs and here I am, stuck mowing lawns... mumble mumble... Takato's working at the bakery... Henry's a computer hacker... Ryo and Suzie work for the Hero A-Team... grumble grumble...  
  
Kenta pulled back on the lawn mower just in time to make a gray squirrel's day a little happier.  
  
Kazu did one of those Get Rich Quick things, and is now some multimillionaire in Kyoto... grumble... and even Jeri has a job. Even though she's a waitress... grumble grumble... even the Digimon are doing better than me... Marineangemon is a model now because of that stupid POOF BUBBLE thing... grumble grumble...  
  
Kenta shifted gears, and started to hack away at the gardens.  
  
Leomon even has it better than me... I wouldn't mind being dead right about now... grumble grumble... Gaurdromon has become a multimillionaire for being some mechanical wonder... Lopmon and Terriermon became police officers... grumble grumble... Renamon is just related to Rika so she's living the high life already...  
  
Kenta chopped off several daisy heads without realizing it.  
  
Guilmon works as a guard dog for the bakery... grumble mumble... Impmon just... well... I guess I'm doing better than Impmon... well, anything's better than being a lawyer... grumble grumble... Alice and Cyberdramon don't really have jobs, well, that's only because Alice is friends with Dobermon, and Cyberdramon is the Digimon of Ryo who is working for the A-Team... grumble...  
  
Kenta slashed a topiary giraffe wide open.  
  
I can't believe it... mumble mumble... I just can't believe...  
  
Kenta stopped short for two reasons. His faithful mower had finally given out on him, and that there was something small and furry in his path. It smiled and looked up at him.  
  
it squeaked, wiggling it's ears.  
  


_____  
  


Dobermon was wearing a long scarlet bathrobe and some moccasins while reading the daily news and drinking his coffee when he got the call.  
  
A small cordless phone went off wildly in the hall next to him, and Calumon rushed down the stairs to get it. Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? Hallo? he said quickly.  
  
Calumon! You've gotta get out here! It's pandemonium! Furry things... everywhere! I can't handle it... help...  
  
asked Calumon.  
  
Yea, hurry! And bring Dobermon! he said quickly.  
  
You mean Captain Oink, Calumon giggled.  
  
Whatever you named him, just get down here fast! They're after all of us... and... I see one. He's coming closer... I am so scared, Calumon... AAAH! He's attac-  
  
The line promptly went dead. Well, I guess it wasn't that important, Calumon said to himself after a while. Dobermon called in from the Study, Who was that?  
  
Kenta! He was talking about some pander-monium thing, and getting attacked. He says he needs our help. Humans are so silly!  
  
  
  
  
  
The two raced out to the garage, and Dobermon leapt into the V8, super-charged, Supermon-mobile. Calumon hopped onto Suzie's tricycle, honking the minuscule horn, and making vroom' vroom' sounds.  
  
The two sped off into the dead of night, to Kenta's house. Dobermon parked alongside the street, perfectly parallel parking between a Volkswagen and an old Jeep, and Calumon parked the tricycle in the left lane, where it was promptly ran over, to which Calumon said, Humans are so silly!  
  
They raced out and found Kenta twitching on the grass. Everywhere... they're still here... run...  
  
Well, you heard what he said, let's hit it! Calumon started to toddle off, but Dobermon grabbed him by the cloak.   
  
NO! We have to fight! For Kenta!  
  
From a bush nearby, a tiny voice squeaked out, You can't win against us! You'll never take us alive! We are unbeatable!  
  
COME OUT AND SHOW YOURSELVES! Dobermon growled.  
  
If you insist, said a voice from the left, and a bush shuddered, and out stepped none other than...  
  
Dobermon asked quizzically.  
  
Yes, indeed. It was Hamtaro, everyone's favorite hamster. Cute and lovable, the Ham Hams may be little hamsters, but they have big adventures.  
  
Pashmina, Penelope, Panda, Howdy, and Maxwell came out from a second bush, and from a third bush came Boss, Jingle, Bijou, Dexter, and Oxnard.  
  
But... they're so cute! I can't fight them! Dobermon whined. I mean, look at   
  
Kenta sat up, and pulled his body into a fetal position. That's what they want you to think! They're murderers! They can kill! Look at those sharp teeth, and hairy little, and... and... just look at the BONES!  
  
Calumon giggled, and went up to Pashmina. Hallo, little hamster! You're too cute to kill anything, right?  
  
Kenta's eyes darted back and forth, to Dexter and Jingle, who were the closest to him. No one expects them, the cute little hamsters, that's why! No one expected the Spanish Inquisition either, and look at what happened!  
  
Calumon shook his head at Kenta, and picked up Pashmina. Awww... she's smiling! Look at those sweet, little, innocent... AIEEEEEEE!!!!   
  
Pashmina had sunk her teeth into Calumon's paw. The hamsters noted the cue and started their formal attack. Dexter and Jingle leapt onto Kenta, who screamed a high E sharp before losing consciousness.  
  
Dobermon yowled as Jingle smacked him with his guitar. Dobermon flicked the hamster off with a whip of his tail, and Calumon and Dobermon became Supermon and Captain Oink once again.  
  
It was a nasty fight. Full of blood and gore and tiny little tufts of fur. Lopmon and Terriermon drove the cop car right into the lamp post before Dobermon could even get all the little hamsters into Kenta's backpack. They had surprisingly sharp teeth. Penelope proved hardest to catch, because once caught, she only tore off again, leaving Dobermon with a handful of yellow sheet.  
  
Hamtaro then began the second revolt by screaming, KUSHI, KUSHI! and took off a nice bit of Dobermon's ear. Kenta sat like a wimp, which, to be perfectly honest, he is. Pashmina and Panda were nipping at his feet.  
  
Jingle kept on smacking Calumon with his guitar, Oxnard proved to be very good at spitting sunflower seeds at people, and Bijou just ran around, with her paws on her face, shrieking, Au secours! Quel dommage! Sacre bleu! Ou est la gare, s'il vous plait? Merde!  
  
They finally rounded up all of them, the furry little beasts, and handed them to Lopmon. From inside the bag they heard Hamtaro's high voice squeal, You have not seen the last of us, Supermon and Captain Oink! We will avenge you! Gerbilmon will rule all! KUSHI!  
  
Lopmon rolled her eyes, and tapped her hat in an important sort of way, and tossed the backpack in the trunk. Terriermon saluted Captain Oink, who was tending his ear, and Supermon, who was looking rather horrified for the first time in his life. He was sitting with his big eyes opened at large, muttering things like, Not Hamtaro, never Hamtaro, and, Laura's gone to school, now it's time to play!  
  
Kenta was slipping in and out of consciousness.  
  
Terriermon sighed, and hopped into the cop car next to Lopmon and they drove away.  
  
Captain Oink sat up. Well. We did it, Supermon. We got those hamsters good, he chuckled.  
  
Little hamsters, big adventures! Little hamsters, big adventures! Calumon mumbled, as he rocked back and forth.  
  
muttered Captain Oink. I still think they're cute, those damn Hams.  
  


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_What will happen to our fine friends next?   
Will Kenta regain consciousness?  
Will Lopmon and Terriermon get a pay raise?  
Will Dobermon notice that he left the kettle on while fighting the Ham-Hams?  
And not to mention Fred!  
Find out, in the next thrilling chapter of- SUPERMON, 2.0!  
  
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A/N- Khrrmp! Khrrmp! Okay, I had to do that. Hope you enjoyed this! Hai, Lia! I finally got off my butt and wrote something. Go me.  
  
  


  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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